Have you ever been disowned by family members?

Talking with a number of my closest friends over the past few days, I was shocked to find that members of their family have "disowned them." Cut off ties completely. Even when small children were involved.

How common is this? If any of you has a story to this effect -- and would let me print it -- please send it on. Maybe it is more common than I think. I would like to know for a book I am planning, a collection of true-life stories of disownments. (Since writing this two years ago, I've received more than 200 stories and letters. Thank you.)

Comments

[Stella]

Very interesting topic you've started here. I wanted to add my bit in ...
I have disowned some of my family. My parents had 4 children all 2 yrs apart, boy girl boy girl. Im the 2nd eldest. They got divorce when I was 9 (very emotionally frustrating relationship from the beginning, leaving, reuniting, leaving....) you get the picture. My dad got custody of me and my older brother after a long court battle which my mother never forgave me for. She was a very jealous woman, yes jealous that her children got attention, sad really. Anyway many things happened along the line (dad died 5yrs later, brother becomes abusive, mother goes to mental wards etc etc.)
I am very close to my little sister and have disowned my mentally abusive mother (bipolar, schitzo etc etc) and my child molesting brother (Im so embarrased I feel sick thinking about it - what a shocker), also my physically abusive and criminal (white collar crime - clever but so wrong) older brother.
I've realised that even criminals have families that are ashamed of them.
I have a wonderful family and son and my sister (whome Im very proud of and has done so well) is my best friend.

[RPM]

please remove a post for me, it was not meant to be printed. It was posted April 12, 2009 by SEM. it was not meant to be published.

Thank You

[Thereasa]

I don't know who disowned who. But I know that I want nothing to do with my family. I didn't attend my mother's funeral or visit her while she was dying. I felt it was hypocritical since we had not spoken for years. I began to disown my family when my brother died. They all expected me to take care of the funeral. When I called that he had been hurt real bad in an accident and my parents needed to come...they took a long breath and asked me if they really needed to, was he really hurt? They did not want to come. THey did, but he died before they got here. It was downhill since then. The whole gang invaded my house, all the funeral expenses were put in my name....it goes on and on. I wanted to be helpful during a devastating time, but realized later that they could care less about me or my brother (that died). Later my brother's children were abandoned and I took them in. My husband (whom I divorced for being so cold) didn't want to have small children, my parents didn't want them and my brother reluctantly took them....his wife didn't want them and was mean to them and eventually got them out of her house. I loved those kids and never forgave myself for letting them live with them. I never forgave my other brother for letting his wife do this to his own blood...how would they like to know someone would do this to their kids if they ever died (which I wish they would...I know bad). Then my husband committed suicide; no calls no cards...in fact, gossip is evil and they proceeded to bad mouth me...mind you, they didn't even know this husband! Oh there is more...I am the oldest kid. All the kids migrated to my state as they became adults, I opened my house to them..they disrespected it; trashed it, didn't pay rent..and had the nerve to call me the bitch for wanting them to clean up after themselves and pay rent or help out. I know, the nerve of me. So one by one I have gotten them out of my life..thank goodness! I have two left. One sister that lives nearby, but is so full of hate and moodiness...you don't even know from one conversation or the next if she is going to be nice or not. I am tired of her condescending tone towards me; yes, she enjoys arguing and being bitchy. I don't. I am done with her. Then one brother...he is numb and quiet, but he has no respect for me and could care less if I lived or died....so, soon he will graduate and leave and once again I will be where I was before the migration and invasion. I will be happy. I came to the conclusion that family does not need to be related; you can create your own family by surrounding yourself with people who love, care, and respect you and they do not need to be blood. I can tell I left out alot of stuff; one is that I ran away from home at 15....I am the oldest of 9 and my primary job was to co-parent. Once I left, they had no use for me. Whew.....that is it for now, believe me alot of details are left out.

[Elizabeth Ann Princehouse]

I may have written a year or so ago...but I was completely disowned by mother, father, older brother, his wife, little brother (my best friend before I was married), extended family (anyone my parents can get to...they even called up three of my personal friends to tell them how "evil" I am..) This is because I finally (and gently) told my mother that I was "uncomfortable in her church". They joined this "Holy ORder of MANS breakoff cult" and forced me into it,,abuse and all...but when I said that---all communication stopped. There is so much more. I had a blog which I recently turned over to my friend who runs the anti-cult website Pseudo Prophet.
I cry every day. We were a pretty close (military) family until they joined that cult. They have never seen their grandchildren.

[Jenna]

My father in law just disowned my husband for standing up for me. My mother in law has narcisstic personality disorder & has been putting me down for years. She attacks me because she hates that I am a working mother - she says I am selfish. She also constantly rips on people who went to public schools (which I did) and says the most hurtful things to me about my lack of intelligence, ect. My mother in law also lies about what she says to hurt people & my father in law believes her. So, in May 2009, my MIL personally attacked me & I told her off. Not a good idea if you are dealing with a narcissist. If you EVER talk back, defend yourself or spill the beans truthfully, it means WAR! So, my mother in law cried to my father in law & he disowned his son until his son apologizes for being "mean" (otherwise known as standing up) to his mother. now my poor husband is sad & I am so disgusted with them. My in laws also turned the whole family against us by telling lies. So, I hope Karma teaches them a lesson at some point. They don't deserve to be parents at all.

[Faye Abshire]

My Dad died 4 years ago.I took care of he and mom while working a full time job and a baby at my side.When Dad died,I was expected to continue to care for Mom.She was so mean to me,I had a breakdown,so my husband told her she had to move out.My oldest sister took her in and I trully feel it was her turn to take care of mom at this time.Actually Mom does not need care,she is very healthy and has a very good mind.I have been disowned by my family because I stopped taking care of her.I also took care of my husbands parents until they died.I am tired and need to have some time for myself.I feel guilty all the time.Please help me to stop feeling guilty!kk

[tracy]

Its been 8 yrs sence i have been diowned by my fater and i am 40 yrs old . crying almost daily everything reminded me of him . I have 8 brothers and sisters all of whom he speaks to but me . He is a very powerful man and all my siblings worship the ground he walks on . 2 of my sisters will speak to me but they always talk about dad to me , the others are to afraid to go against dad to talk to me .I love them but every time i see them it reminds me of him and then i go into depression for a week . Its almost to the point were i dont want to see them because it hurts so bad. I always think ok this time i will be fine but i never am . I AM THE MOTHER OF 3 CHILDREN MY SELF AND CAN NOt imagine not having my kids in my life . ok back to why he disowned me . MY parents have been divorsed 38 yrs i was raised by my mom and step dad both who were very good to me . My real dad awas also very good to me growing up as well. I was about to get married (2nd time ) and wnated my youngest daughter to walk me down the isle ( she was 8) my dad said he was to hurt i didnt ask him and its been 8 yrs. I have wrote letters , cryed beggged and still nothing 1!!!! please tell me this pain goes away because i feel no better now then i did 8 yrs ago

[Natasha]

Hi, I was 12 years old when I was disowned by my father's most of his family. I turned my step grandfather in for sexually abused me. He raped over 50 kids many years before me and after me in my family. No one step forward, but me. I fought in court..I fought alone. He tried to do to my mother, but she didn't tell police for what he did to her, nor my sister didn't tell police for what he did to her nor my brother...My father have been on his mother's side all the way. He is mommy's boy. My father got after me for hurting my grandma to embrassed her which I didn't. My father wasn't there for me in the court at all. He rarely visited me. I tried to stop my step grandpa for hurting us. My grandma and the family accused me that I was lying which I didn't. I even faced with my stepgrandpa and asked him why he raped me and what did I do wrong...he denied every one of them! He lied to my face! I couldn't believe this. The doctor have an proof that I was raped and lost my virgin when I was little girl barely 5 years old. The dr decide to be on his side, of course my step grandpa's friend is happened to be my doctor. That dr destoryed the proofs. He is supposed to go prison 1st degree 75 years to life...then doom to 4th degree...3 years probatation then he got away with it. I don't feel justice is done. Lawyers weren't really know what is going on due to my language of limits voc when I was 12 years old due to school and family didn't bother to teach me higher level of communicate that I should have. I am deaf and loving it. Now I am in relationship with a wonderful man. I have four beautiful daughters. Everyday I have to battle myself because I lost so much. My mom and my step dad and my man and children are all I have. I am hurt that my family didn't cares and want me to think of their feeling first...what about mine feeling? What about other girls' feeling and boys' feeling whom my stepgrandpa raped? As far his name is Paul Martin, he lives in Ravenna,MI. He is pervert and gotten away with this. I can't believe that I am only one who step forward. It is is hard when no one back me up. I wasn't invited my father's second, third wedding...nor birthday or family events because my step grandpa is coming first to them before me.

[JSMith]

Rubbish! I don't see the pull on the heartstrings here. I was glad to be outcast from my family it's a real nice clean smash of those rose tinted glasses you were wearing.
All the times you thought they were just doing "what they thought was best"... boils down to immature abusive parenting thankfully considered irresponsible and illegal in present times.
Think about it. Do you owe them anything? It was there choice to have you. If they did a poor job and you dislike them good for you. Leave them high and dry.
The ultimate realization is your the one who has to make it don't you, they made you but you gotta live every day. So don't let their needs get in the way of yours. Consider yourself free and most importantly number one, rather than all the brainwashing of do this for us or help us with this or could you...
Welcome to your world =)

[Tammy]

My sister disowned my parents and myself for reasons I don't understand. She doesn't answer phone calls or e-mails. I don't even know if her children receive the gifts my parents and I send to them. All this started two years ago over an argument my sister had with my mother when she arrived fifteen minutes early to babysit. I'm sure there is some underlying problem, but I don't know what it is. My parents can be annoying and rather self-absorbed, but they were never abusive to us as children. My mother struggled with depression from time to time, and I suspect my sister does as well. She would talk to me from time to time even after this rupture with my parents until I became pregnant. After that, she wanted nothing to do with me. An uncle thinks she's angry that I stepped into her territory by becoming a mother. Another relative suspects she's upset that I "replaced" the children she denied my parents with my daughter. I have no idea if any of that is true. I only know that I love and miss my sister, and I worry that she is unhappy.