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It's been awhile since I've had a cannibal joke. Here's one.
One day a cannibal visited the neighboring island of cannibals. There, people cost $2 but politicians cost $25.
The visiting cannibal asked, "How come politicians cost so much?"
The chief answered, "Do you know how hard it is to clean one of those?"
Too good to pass up. From a reader. Feel free to send more for my strange collection.
Ever heard the one about the friend who passed his friends in the woods?
This cannibal joke comes from IGS reader "Greenhuntingcat." Thank you, and keep them coming!
A cannibal was complaining about his new hot tub. "Last weekend I had a tub full of guests--and they were all undercooked!"
I don't know how I got into collecting them, but they just are always funny and short.
Heard about the vegetarian cannibal? He only ate Swedes!
I guess this wraps it up. Probably my last story on my last three years of coverage on the German cannibal with a preference for, uh, well, better read the story. Excerpt from Reuters.
FRANKFURT (Reuters) - A German cannibal whose killing and eating of a willing victim shocked the nation received a life sentence for murder Tuesday after a court overturned a previous manslaughter conviction.
In delivering the decision, Judge Klaus Drescher threw out the defense team's argument that Armin Meiwes had acted on his victim's request, a crime similar to euthanasia which in Germany carries a maximum prison term of five years.
"The defendant was fully conscious of his actions and could control them," Drescher told the court.
"This is not killing on request," he said. "He killed him because he wanted to slaughter and eat his flesh. He had achieved the biggest kick of his life."
Meiwes, 44, was standing trial for the second time after Germany's top criminal court ruled his 2004 conviction for manslaughter and eight-year jail sentence was too lenient.
Under German law Meiwes could be released after 15 years. The court rejected a request by prosecutors to deny his right to be released early, saying his victim had volunteered to be killed and eaten.
Meiwes corresponded with 400 people over the Internet in his search for a willing victim before stumbling upon Bernd-Juergen Brandes, a high-ranking IT manager with German firm Siemens.
In a tale that has horrified the country and inspired a feature film, Brandes traveled by train to meet Meiwes, where the cannibal videotaped himself severing Brandes' penis with a knife before both men tried to eat it.
Tell me please. Why is it that all the cannibalism and other people-eating stories seem to come out of Germany? You think it is a protein deficiency? Okay, not funny.
But check out this story from Germany on Reuters today. Yuck. And don't be surprised if these pigs get "mad people" disease.
BERLIN (Reuters) - A German farmer confessed to feeding the corpse of an elderly family friend to his pigs and then stealing from his bank account, police said Monday.
Police ruled out murder and the 29-year-old farmer has been charged with improper burial and fraud.
The elderly friend died in the farmer's yard in February 2005 and the farmer, through his mother, had power-of-attorney giving him access to the dead man's bank account and pension.
The farmer initially put the corpse in a deep freezer, police in the German town of Frizlar-Haddamar said, and told curious locals the old man was in a nursing home.
"From lectures about various religions the 29-year-old knew that Buddhists either burn the dead or allow wild animals to eat them. That was how he decided to feed the corpse to his pigs," the police statement said.
He let the corpse thaw, dismembered it and fed it to his pigs. He put the parts the pigs did not eat into a sack and buried it.
The farmer told police "it was a great act of stupidity" and said "the only explanation was his difficult financial situation at the time."
Haven't done a cannibal joke in awhile.
Did you hear about the cannibal who loved fast food?
He ordered a pizza with everybody on it.
"I believe in compulsory cannibalism. If people were forced to eat what they killed, there would be no more wars." Abbie Hoffman.
That finger was worth a neat $50.
SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. (Reuters) - The man whose severed finger was planted in a bowl of Wendy's chili in an apparent scheme to swindle the company had given the digit to a co-worker to settle a $50 debt, the San Francisco Chronicle reported on Wednesday.
Brian Paul Rossiter, 36, of Las Vegas lost part of a finger when his hand got caught in a truck lift in December at the paving company where he worked with the husband of Anna Ayala, the newspaper said.
Ayala has denied that she planted the finger. Her claim that she found part of a finger in a bowl of Wendy's chili drew nationwide attention and hurt the burger chain's sales.
Rossiter's mother Brenda Shouey told the Chronicle in a telephone interview from Pennsylvania that her son was broke after the accident.
"He had a money problem. He owed $50 to this character (Ayala's husband)," said Shouey, who declined to say more about the case. "My son is a happy-go-lucky guy. He thought it was cute to show" the severed finger.
A San Jose Police Department spokesman would not comment on the newspaper's account and declined to discuss the identity of the man who lost his finger. However, he said the man was cooperating with the department's investigation.
Separately, a California court declined to lower Ayala's $500,000 bail.
She is in jail awaiting trial on attempted grand theft charges for the millions of dollars Wendy's International Inc. lost as a result of the negative publicity after her claim.
Prosecutors added a new charge against Ayala on Wednesday of conspiracy to present a false or fraudulent insurance claim. If convicted of all charges, she faces a maximum penalty of nine years and eight months in state prison.
SAN JOSE, Calif. (Reuters) - Not even talk of a severed finger found in a bowl of chili kept Michael Egli away from his favorite Wendy's restaurant.
Regulars at the San Jose, California Wendy's where last month a woman said she found the tip of a human finger in her chili, Egli and his wife Militza said they were undeterred.
The couple said they had kept eating at Wendy's through the investigation and were back on Friday when police announced the arrest of the woman for carrying out a hoax.
"I'm sorry, but I like my chili," Egli said shortly after he finished a steaming hot bowl at the Monterey Highway Wendy's where the incident occurred.
Earlier on Friday, the woman, Anna Ayala, was charged with one count of attempted grand theft related to the debacle.
Egli, who said he frequents the Wendy's restaurant four or five times a week, said he suspected the woman's claims all along. At one point, police counted the fingers of Wendy's staff and suppliers and in some cases had them take lie detector tests.
"You have to figure if someone had their finger chopped off, they'd want it back and someone would have made a big commotion about it," Egli said.
Maggie Gonzalez, another Wendy's regular who lives nearby, also said the incident did not keep her away.
Gonzalez said she stopped eating the chili for a time but ordered her first bowl two days ago after reading reports about Ayala's litigious history.
"Because of what was in the media and learning about the lady, it made us feel safer," Gonzalez said.
Not all Wendy's regulars have been as forgiving. Sales at the unit have fallen 30 to 50 percent since the incident, according to Steve Jay, marketing manager for San Jose-area Wendy's restaurants.
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